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In my life, I had done everything I could to give Goten what he needed. To give him independence, I spoke on his behalf to his mother; for his friendship with Trunks, I made excuses for his late night excursions. I liked to think I did exactly what a good parent would do in my place. But if that were so, why was I losing him?
~*~
Though I missed the first several years of their life together, from the first moment I saw them I could see the beginnings of a strong bond growing between them. It had come to me as so many others had over the years, becoming almost an innate ability of which I could boast, if I ever chose to. I had married at a very young age, made friends out of murderous enemies, and even witnessed the always-surprising relationship between Bulma and Vegeta. I had seen almost every type of bond two people could share in this world – and yet, nothing gave me any foresight towards what would develop between Trunks and my son.
There was no real classification for their relationship. It went far beyond the limits of human friendships, and ran deeper than the ring of emotions tied to a lover. They were not just two children brought together by a similar lineage. There was something indescribable about it that I doubt there was a word to describe it any language. They had become one person, both in and out of the fusion. Because of all that, they had both experienced emotions beyond what I could fathom and I envied it only as much as I hated it for what it had done to them.
I could bear no ill will toward Trunks for what had happened. As far as blame was concerned, there could be none, as both had wanted and made it happen. I could blame myself for not making Goten as aware of his surroundings as I should have, but that would not help my situation any. I could blame them for being so reckless.... Nevertheless, I knew nothing would change. There was no blame to be laid, no fault on anyone. These events were only marks in the line of fate that had been drawn for them long ago. It was just teaching us not to fight it the hard way.
~*~
I had never tried to understand the relationship the two boys had had before Goten had come home, earlier in the evening than usual, bearing Trunks' treasured sword. It was something about the way he held it, the grave reverence and respect and responsibility all weighing on his shoulders as he laid it carefully on his dresser that caught my attention.
"Goten?" He flinched a little bit in surprise. I tilted my head at such an unfamiliar action from the doorway, the ability to sense one another being something helpful in preventing surprises like this. He had seemed to brush it off by the time he turned around, though, and smiled.
"Oyo, dad." I took it as the welcome it was and came into the less than clean room, stepping over a pile of clothes.
"You'll have to clean that up before your mother sees it." He looked sheepishly at the mess around him and rubbed his neck, a trademark of my family that always amused me. "Guess I haven't been here for awhile." I shook my head.
"Guess not."
We stood there, letting the moment be. I hugged him after it passed, a small tradition that had wordlessly begun between us. I had not seen my son in awhile and I missed him. His returning it was a show that he had too without the addition of a conversation.
"Nice to have you back." He did not say anything in response and slid out of the hug. He set his suitcase on the bed, continuing his ritual silently, dumping out the contents of the brown container and sorting out the dirty and clean.
In the past when we were like this, I would promise to get him for dinner and leave him be. Something held me back that time. If I had to pinpoint it, I would set the blame on the presences of Trunks' sword. Its arrival drew me into taking a more careful look at my son and his surroundings.
I could smell it; smell him. His skin, his clothes... All of them carried a bolder whiff of Trunks' scent than it had in the past, regardless of the length of his stay. It would not have caught me had its concentration not been so high. I knew that I exaggerated a bit, the normal human only able to pick up a trace of it, yet the enhanced senses I had made it all the more obvious to me.
I kept the little fact in the dark and wandered towards the heavy object resting along its side near Goten's bed. Running my fingers over the case, the image of an older, darker Trunks came to the forefront of my mind. It was the first time in awhile that I had paused to think about the boy from the future. I wondered briefly what he was up to now.
Goten interrupted my thoughts. "Careful." My hand fell to my side as I blinked at him. He began to explain before I could get in a word.
"Don't want a repeat of the last time you handled a sword," he joked. It came out awkwardly with his demeanor so thoughtful. Its delivery was faulty. It showed in the time taken for me to respond.
"Yeah." The mention of the Z Sword reminded me of when Goten and Trunks had first heard the story.
The aftermath of Buu made home life no different than it was before. Trunks was eating with the rest of our family as was usual when the two were young, and though our meals were usually quiet due to our eating habits, it was rare that a small something would ignite a memory in Gohan. He made a brief innuendo of it to me and we shared a laugh, gaining odd looks from the other occupants at the table. Trunks hated being excluded at this stage in his life, trying so hard to be as adult as possible, and thus posed the following question with an arrogance that had toned down in the later years: "What's so funny?"
My eldest blinked down at the two eager faces staring up at him, Goten having joined Trunks in his curiosity. Being stared down by two-half saiyans was enough to persuade Gohan into sharing. What followed was expected, children's interest always dragging stories out more than necessary. It carried on through dinner, leaving all but Chichi, who wasn't interested in the story, to have a late night.
"I think I learned my lesson back then," I began, letting one last finger graze along the thick cover of the sword. He turned around to finish his task but I caught him halfway.
"Hey Goten, how about after dinner I take you out and help you practice with it?" That's what Trunks gave it to you for in the first place, right?" Goten's face paled at first as though there was some fear he carried about how I had come across that information. It passed with my explanation. "I mean, he wouldn't give it to you just to have it." He managed a nod.
"True." I smiled and ruffled his cropped hair, heading out the door.
"Sound good?"
"You bet."
~*~
Thus began our first real excuse to bond as father and son. The time that I used teaching him and Trunks the fusion technique would not be counted as quality time, being done out of necessity, not fun. I thought it was about time we had done something together, anyway. Gohan and I had bonded much earlier in our lives with training and it had built the foundation for our solid relationship today. Goten and I had never had that and I wanted that to change, especially at the time of his life where he would be gone more and more from my life.
The sessions never followed a schedule, fitted in around his time with school and studies and Trunks. It was the third that took up the most of the time, even if Goten was in school seven hours of the day, leaving little time for us to do much. It did not matter, all the same.
Over time, as Goten's abilities with the sword strengthened, so did our relationship. We did not have the same depth I had formed with his older brother, the kind where our conversations were deep and meaningful and based around thoughts or feelings. Goten and I had a companionship, a respect for one another, that warriors held sacred. When we trained, we trained, our fists only means of conversation.
I wondered now if that was the wrong path to take. Would he have come to me about whatever it was that he shared with Trunks if I had made our relationship more emotionally binding? Could I fully understand why this was happening?
All of these thoughts bombarded me, seated there, looking at my son deteriorate to nothing. For the first time in my life, there was nothing I could do to help. No strength of mine would do Goten any good. His face contorted in his sleep and I bit my lip, a day of silent mourning catching up with me, slowing my mind. I rubbed fingers through his hair until whatever haunted him had passed.
'I'll help you somehow, Goten.' It was my last conscious thought and the only subject of my dreams as the world faded to black.
~*~
"Wake up, Kakarott." He knew I was awake, but I didn't want to open my eyes. My mind could not distort Vegeta's low bass with my son's tenor and for that I would keep my eyes closed forever until it was Goten that woke me instead.
"Wake up." I couldn't fight his command any longer. My hesitance to do so was obvious and yet he continued without any indication he had seen it. "Follow me." My eyes went over to Goten and my feet stopped moving. I didn't want to leave him. Not now. Vegeta paused. "We need privacy for this. We're not alone."
I frowned. "But Goten can't-"
"Goten can't," he cut off. "But she can." I remembered for the first time that Marron was there. She had been very quiet all day. He got me to trail him without any further argument and when we had reached the balcony, he slid the door closed behind us. He offered no explanation right away, walking to the railing and staring out at the city below. When he finally spoke, I was unprepared.
"Have you figured out what you're going to do?" His voice had lost the usual bite of dislike he reserved for me. He almost spoke as if we were equals. The question he posed was something I could not answer. I knew what the answer was supposed to be, but that option just was not one I could accept. I stood beside him at the rail and looked ahead.
"I'm going to use the Dragonballs to-" His harsh whisper cut through the rest of my sentence.
"Is anything that has happened to your son gotten into your head? Don't you realize what all of this is doing to him?" I rounded on him, eyes narrowed.
"I've been here as much as I could, Vegeta. I know exactly what he has been going through. That's why I've made my decision."
"You are a fool, Kakarott. You cannot simply wish away what was done."
"Then tell me what happened! What I can do!" Vegeta was quiet, scowl fading into frown.
"You really have no idea?" He voice lowered to nothing above a whisper, laced with an edge of disbelief. I shook my head. Vegeta dropped his away from mine. "Think back. Then tell me you can't see anything."
"Vegeta, I have. There is nothing there!"
"You are telling me you never picked up anything between the two of them? That you couldn't smell them on one another?" He could recognize my lapse in confidence and pressed it further, taking a step closer. "Nothing struck you as odd? You are slow, but you are not stupid, Kakarott. Think this time and don't close your eyes to things you don't wish to see." I had had enough of his mysterious bull by this point. I didn't care anymore how Goten had gotten this way. I needed to know how to get him out of it!
"I don't give a crap about how all of this happened anymore!" Vegeta hadn't expected me to shout and wasn't about to take it. I had not remembered at the time that Vegeta was suffering worse than I was. He had already lost his son. I had one thing over him, though- I had to watch mine die.
"You really want to help him? Then let him go."
~*~
I did not stay long after I spoke with Marron. I knew she would do what was needed without my help. They both could.My fire had burned out after my talk with Vegeta, all of his arguments shooting down my own until sense had over-rode my stubbornness to see my son live. I was amazed he had put up with me. I was glad he had. I could not make it through this missing the one person who could understand what was happening.
That was when I finally started to get it. The bond, Trunks and Goten's relationship; it was beginning to make sense. The reason no word could define it was because there was no 'it'. It was a 'them', a compiled list of events and feelings that had strung together and formed a web so thick that to not bond would be to deny what they felt and who they were. Love, friendship, camaraderie, respect... So much had gone into what they had become today.
They had grown up being the only two hybrid boys their age and carried that piece of knowledge towards one another as a basis of a friendship that over time grew into dependence and a level of caring that left them inseparable. You could have separated them long ago and I doubt the result would have been any different, regardless of their bond.
Trunks and Goten belonged together, despite what the world, they, or I had to say.
Fate had just decided to make it hard.
~Fin
Back to chapter 2 of The Story Of You and Me
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