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Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ.
Warnings: Goku's POV
Love to the Prince
Cold
and lonely. These are my feelings right now. Sitting at the edge of this
beautiful calm l
My legs drawn up to my chest, chin resting on the knees I look at the smooth surface of the dark lake water. A black mirror! A mirror of my soul! Nobody sees the darkness inside me. Nobody senses my despair, my loneliness.
I have become a perfect actor, I can play on them all, my friends, my family. They think that I am carefree, a bit dump and numb. Naïve, stupid, brain-damaged. It's easier for them to deal with me like that. And my mask is perfect. Never let loose, never let slip the cheerful face and turn to what I really am, to how I really feel.
I don't bother for their little opinions, never bothered of what somebody thought or didn't think of myself. I did what I had to do, always, regardless of costs, especially my own.
Of course there is bitterness. Maybe that is the price for fame and success. Savior of Earth, savior of the universe. Fuck.
I never asked for it, never wanted it. Shall I wear a tag: title for sale?
*deep sigh*
I only want one thing. I only need one person. Not more, not less. But there is no hope. Not now. I even can't tell anybody, as I would loose their respect for ever: the respect from my friends and my family. Nobody would understand... that's not quite right, maybe Piccolo would. He's the only one who might doubt and sense something, except of the prince, the others are too straight minded, too closed up.
Goku, the child. Goku, the never growing up. Goku, an adult? You're kidding. He's strong, and nice, and a bit stupid. O, we need him every now and then to save our asses. But he is irresponsible, a joke of a husband or a father. Just remains dead, or leaves his house and home! A big child you guess! He has no brain; wayward country-bumpkin; good he leaves for training by himself.
It makes me gag. Their friendly, pitiful ways make me gag. I am a saiyajin warrior, Kakarotto. Vegeta is my prince, my sovereign and I am his last true full-blooded subject. Vegeta knows that we should mate, that I should bear his cubs to continue the bloodline and the race.
But they never would understand, not that the prince would mate with another man, and not that saiyajin-males can carry cubs like females. We are aliens, we are not human. We do have a different physiology. There is more than having a tail, turning supersaiyajin or oozaru. We had a distinct society, distinct culture, norms, legends.
I do know everything about my own race, about myself. It has been a long time the amnesia left and the memories of the training in the pod returned. They would totally squick out if they were aware what I know and what I am.
Poor Goku, no way to behave like you should, like you would, if you had the choice. But there is none.
Yes, I love Vegeta, as my Prince, my sovereign. And I respect Vegeta. That is the reason for our fights. And Vegeta knows. I must show him, that I am strong, that I deserve his favor, that I deserve him. Vegeta is straight, he loves Bulma and his children, in the way he can.
But Vegeta is saiyajin like me. And he knows that he has to serve his people, his bloodline. That is the reason why he will mate with me one day, not now, not as long as any of the others are alive.
I respect and care for Chichi. In human standards she is my wife, and I am her husband. ..... Human standards! But I am not human. I can care for her in some way, and she even gave me two boys. She is strong, but she is not saiyan. She is an alien to me, and the boys are halfbreds. In saiyajin society and culture they would have been killed to preserve the pureness of the bloodlines. We were not supposed to mate with aliens.
So their mere existence is sign of my weakness. I was not supposed to mate with an alien, not as soon as Vegeta showed up. I should have submitted to Vegeta, at once, and mated with him. I missed my duty, and Vegeta knew that. And that's why he despised me so long. Here comes the reason for our fights, I must buy again his esteem. Repentance for my mistakes.
*deep sigh*
Vegeta, my King. My Love. My Need. My Nemesis.
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